Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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