I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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