Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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