So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
