Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
