I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
