Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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