Actions speak louder than pants.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
