drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
