my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
