her vagine was all disorganized.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize