I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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