i think my mom watched the whole time
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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