It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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