Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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