Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My vagina just clenched in fear
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
