Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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