my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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