you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
