dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
