my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
