I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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