um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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