New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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