My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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