Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
