Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
