Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The power of my boobs compel you
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
