why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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