I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize