I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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