I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
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