I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
