is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
