Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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