sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
