I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
