She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
