I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
