Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
