wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
