I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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