what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize