Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
