I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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