this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
