im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
