Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
