it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
