Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
