i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
