i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
