I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I touched a dick in church today
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
