Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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