you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
