As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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