Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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