I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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