Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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