so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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