16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
