Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i came on her dog
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize