i think i have two assholes
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize