Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
