at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
