I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize