dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize