I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize