The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
tell me about the eggs
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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