Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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