what if every blade of grass was a penis?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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