ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
