Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
