Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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