This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
