If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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