Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
