mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
