I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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