You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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