I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
