Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
