You just made me feel so damn special
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
