my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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