Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
