Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
