"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We are two peas in an std pod
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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