I'm gonna have a badass scar
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize