I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
