then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
