So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
