Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
