He disabled his match.com account in front of me
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
