You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
