i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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