I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize