I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
