wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
