so explain again why im purple
no
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Someone came in the potted fern
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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