Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
