There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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