I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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