I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
