i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
