Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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